Illogical Love
by Miarka
Summary: Set during the Grissom's journey to the Genesis Planet. One night Saavik does something she shouldn't and it changes her ideas about her friend David Marcus forever. Saavik/David Marcus. Please read and review. I don't own anything.
1. The Spark

_David:_

_Saavik never saw the way I looked at her._

_And if she did it meant nothing to her. To be a Vulcan was to be unaware of emotion. And I loved her for being Vulcan, I loved everything about her. She was perfection. While other girls were just beautiful faces with sugary laughs and after you're attention to get you in bed, Saavik was both a beautiful face and a woman with brains, dedicated to her work and life, a beautiful mind besides the beautiful looks._

_I just wished she could realize how I feel about her._

_True we are friends and we spend nearly every minute together. Every day I join her on the bridge to work, I like to watch her as she sits at her station, but she doesn't notice, she's always too engrossed in her work. We eat together, sometimes work out together, and every night I'll go to her quarters, or she'll come to mine, and we'll have diner then finish off our work in each other's presence. I love that I get to spend so much time with her, and I'm delighted that she considers me her friend. I just wish we could be something more than friends, and that I wouldn't have to leave her, or she me, each night. I want to spend every moment I have in her presence._

_I would tell her, but I'm so afraid she'll reject me, or she won't understand, and I'll ruin our relationship altogether. I'd hate myself if I did that._

_I love Saavik for who she is, but if only she'd look at me the same way._

* * *

_Saavik:_

When I next glanced up from the screen David was asleep in the chair across from me. I'd eaten with him in his quarters and then set to finish work as usual. But I realized now that I'd worked later than I usually would, and I'd been so focused on my work that I hadn't seen him drift off.

I stood up to leave, knowing I should just leave him be. But I glanced back at him and something about him made me stop. He just looked so peaceful, yet also insecure, as if there was something missing from him.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I knew I shouldn't, it was a violation of his privacy, of his own mind. But I bent over him a pressed each of my hands to either side temples, and allowed his mind into my own. His ideas, his views, his feelings all fled into my mind at once; hopes for Genesis, fears about his parents, his dreams and nightmares all mixed into one. And then there was me, I was everywhere in his mind, how he felt about me, what we wanted to do to me.

I pulled back from him, and not gently, it hurt but I was in too much shock over what I'd just come to know. I stayed there, whether for a few seconds or thirty minutes I'm not even sure, but I just kneeled on the ground beside him in the chair watching him as he didn't even stir.

I could not let him know, I told myself in a panic, I should never have done it and I didn't even know why I did it.

I pulled myself onto my feet, ready to leave and pretend for both our sakes that I'd never done anything. But before I left I was caught again, and I dug the hole even deeper for myself as I leaned down over him and let my lips touch his. His mouth felt warm and soft, but that's as far as it went, with nothing in return. It was enough to ensure my trauma for the next weeks though.

I pulled back and rushed out without another glance.


	2. The Confusion

_Saavik:_

I kept quiet for the next few days, focused on my work. David didn't notice and nothing changed between us. I watched him closely as I worked. He seemed so normal. I knew it was true, I seen it myself but I just couldn't believe it was true. David was in love with me, yet he didn't show it so well. I was confused in my own feelings, in bed at night I started thinking deeply on our relationship instead of my work.

The days rolled away and the Grissom's journey continued to Genesis.

More than anything I couldn't shake the feeling of my lips pressing to his, how good it had felt, and as much as I tried to deny the matter, I wanted that feeling again. But I knew I couldn't tell him. As a Vulcan I was supposed to respect the gifts I was born with and use them only when needed. Using the mind meld was a violation of this, and at heart I was afraid if I told David he'd hate me for what I'd done and reject me.

I'd been thinking over all this regularly, and on one particular day I was thinking over it again in the lift alone on my way to the mess hall at lunch time as was normal. Especially I was thinking of the kiss, I was longing after it again. Senselessly I lifted my hand delicately up to my lips and traced around the outline, feeling where I'd placed them onto his. _No, no, no. _I thought to myself suddenly and abruptly wrenching my hand away from my lips. _I mustn't think on it, I can't. I've done wrong but the past is the past. Forget what happened. _But I knew I already that the longing for a kiss again was too great, and that longing would not be satisfied until I could press my lips to his once again.

A complication arose as I walked into the mess hall at lunch time and was faced with a sight I wasn't very prepared for with my confused thoughts still on my mind.

There was David standing and smiling as the two Betazoid twin sisters and Ensign O'Hara swarmed around giggling and chatting.

This confused me even more. It had come quite quickly to my realization when we departed on our journey that David Marcus was what many species considered attractive, and he'd been given a great deal of attention because of this. I'd taken into note that he was always very polite but I never looked into the matter anymore than that for it hadn't meant anything more. Until now.

A week ago I'd not cared as girls surrounded David, but a week ago David was a guy that was my friend and work colleague, now he was a guy that was madly in love with me.

My mind was already confused enough but the sight of David flirting pulled me off the edge. Still I remained myself, ignoring him and the girls as I proceeded to get lunch. _How? _I questioned in my mind, already cracking as I let a glance over at him slip past. _Does he really feel that way about me?_ I couldn't make sense of it how he hid his feelings so perfectly, it would seem he was enjoying the girls company. Yet I could not denying what I'd let myself know, in his head and in his heart his true feelings were for me and for me alone.

I sat and ate by myself, and deliberately tried to ignore everyone and everything around me, especially the shrill laughs of the three women. Yet try as I did my thoughts still remained confused, and this confusion lead to me becoming frustrated and annoyed.

It barely came into my notice when David came and sat down opposite me with his own lunch. I glanced up at him and merely nodded in acknowledgement.

"Are you all right?" He asked me, obviously taking into notice my lack of engagement.

"I am fine, thank you, Doctor Marcus." I told him darkly allowing my mind to tear away from my deep thoughts slightly.

He looked up and stared very suddenly at me.

_Bath'paik._ In my native language I cursed inside my head, I hadn't been calling him Doctor Marcus for weeks, considering him my friend I'd called him David. But now due to my frustration the formality had slipped out, and it didn't make matters any better for me.

"Forgive me." I said quickly, keeping my face clear. "I'm tired." I looked away from him and down at my food, though I didn't feel much like eating.

"What's wrong?" I heard him ask. Glancing up I saw his face showed curiosity and concern.

"Nothing, I just haven't been sleeping that well." I lied. _Or was it a lie? I certainly hadn't been sleeping well these last few days._

"Neither have I." He told me. I guess it was for comfort, a Human effort to try make me feel better.

"Because of Genesis?" I asked, trying to turn my thoughts away from the mind meld.

"Yeah…I guess so." He nodded thoughtfully; his glaze was no longer upon me but slightly over my shoulder, staring at the wall, and he had a somewhat sad and lost look in his eyes.

For a first time, I was uncomfortable in his presence, before I'd been nothing but content around him in work or recreational time, but now everything was different. _How could I ever go back?_ I wondered.

I hastened to finish my meal quickly and stood up to leave. "I have to go back to work." I told him.

He nodded. "I'll see you on the bridge."

_So normal. _I thought to myself as I left the room. _Whatever am I going to do?_


	3. The Complication

_David:_

I couldn't sleep. I guess it was too many things on my mind, but I was mostly worried about Saavik. _Shit, David, you're always worried about Saavik. _I remained myself as I left my quarters. It was late and I knew it was stupid me just strolling about in the middle of the night when I had work tomorrow. _But hey, technically there's not night and day in space._

I headed for the bridge, I doubted anyone would be on there at this hour, and if they were it would still be quiet. With my mind fully on Saavik I thought I'd go sit at her station just to think for a bit, I knew no one would care.

I don't know why I wanted to be at Saavik's station so much, because if anything it remained me of how she considered her work her love, and I knew she'd never care about me the same way she cares about her career. I've seen her, head down, always looking at something, always studying, and she never looks up, never sees the way I see her.

But when I arrived on the bridge I was met by unexpected sight. It was almost empty as I'd expected with only two people; a man who I didn't recognize who didn't even glance as I entered; he was focused on the far side of the room. The other member on the bridge was Ensign O'Hara, and she was sat in Saavik's chair.

Still, now I was here I felt obliged to stay at least for a little while, despite the slight pang of annoyance I felt at seeing O'Hara in the place where Saavik usually was.

I slipped over quietly towards the young girl. "That's not you're station, Ensign O'Hara." I remained her.

"Oooh, why don't you come and make me move then, David?" She chirped gleefully, a playful smile crossing her face.

I moved to rest against the control panel carefully, glancing at her slightly as I went. I looked down at the control panel at noticed she wasn't using it at all. God knows what she was doing up here at this time of night, but I didn't really care. I didn't care much at all about Ensign O'Hara, she was a pretty face, yes, but I think that was mostly it, I guess she was good at what she did, but it also had nothing to do with whatever she was doing now.

I would have left if not for the fact that I'd just go back to troubling about Saavik again, and talking to Ensign O'Hara was a distraction from that, despite the fact that she was defiantly not my first choice for distractions, yet a distraction she was.

"That's Doctor Marcus to you, Ensign." I told her.

"Oh, are we being formal with each other now? I love that in a man." She smiled, twisting her body towards me slightly and beaming up at me endearingly.

I wanted to sigh painfully at the situation I was in. _This girl was way out of it if she thought I had any attention for her_. I knew perfectly well why she was doing it, but it wouldn't work.

At the same time, the only other crew member, the man on the other side of the bridge stood up and left, without acknowledging us at all as he went.

"What are you doing up here, Ensign O'Hara, at this time of night?"

"I could ask you the same thing?" She chirped.

"I came to work." I lied to her darkly.

"Oh, I should have known. You know what the problem is with you, David? You don't know how to have any fun, you and that Vulcan Science Officer woman; all you ever do is work, work, work." She leaned up a little closer to me. "I think I ought to show you how to have some fun."

I glanced down at her. "That's not true, Ensign, I do know how to have fun, but it wouldn't be the kind of fun you're interested in, and I certainly wouldn't include you in it." I stood up to leave, having had enough of her and her flirting. This was hopeless.

But before I had a chance to even take one step, she grabbed me quite forcibly around the neck and pushed her mouth against mine.


	4. The Avoidance

_Saavik:_

The night was restless for me, and after several hours of attempting to sleep I knew it was having no effect. I dressed and left my quarters, thinking to go to my station on the bridge and work the night off as a distraction. Lying in bed with my thoughts circling in an eternal loop did nothing for me.

When the lift reached the near empty bridge and I took a step out my eyes were met by a sight that beat the day's situation in the mess hall out of my mind entirely. There was David perched on the lap of Ensign O'Hara who was sat in the chair at my station as they kissed each other passionately. This was too much for me and I stumbled back against the wall.

David tore himself away from the young Ensign and looked up. His mouth fell open in horror as he saw it was me. "Oh shit, Saavik. It's not what it looks like." He stammered, pulling himself away from Ensign O'Hara and running towards me.

Suddenly I realized tears were welling up in my eyes, and instantly my instinct kicked in that I couldn't let anyone see me like this. I pulled myself back into lift before he could get to me and let the doors slide to a close, hearing Ensign O'Hara give a shrill little giggle as David stared at my motionless face, his own held so much emotion.

I managed to reach my quarters without anyone else seeing me. I ran in and my body thudded against the cold wall. Fumbling for the control panel beside me I locked the door. Soon after the chime of the door startled me, but I did nothing more, I could only guess it was David, but I didn't want to speak to him, or even see him. So I turned off the speaker too, just so I could keep him fully out. I was confused enough and now this had shattered me.

I thought he'd loved me. And I wasn't even sure of how I felt about him myself anymore. All I knew is that his silly games with other women were hurting me.

The rings continued for a long while until he finally must have given up. After the long pause and I realized he must he must have gone I finally slid down onto the floor and let the tears stream down my face.

* * *

I stayed in my quarters the whole of the next day. I didn't eat. I tried my best to focus and get on with my work, but to little effect. My mind was a torment. When I wasn't bent over work and trying hopelessly to distract myself I would lie down on my bed and simply stare up at the ceiling above me, attempting to clear my mind. But for all I tried that day nothing would ease my troubles, as the questions in my mind circled.

_How do I feel about David?_

_I'm not supposed to feel anything._

_But I think of him as my friend. Does that not imply an emotional attachment to him?_

_Do I still want to be his friend?_

_I was comfortable being his friend._

_But am I still going to be? I might have ruined that all._

_We might have ruined our friendship. Or it could become something more._

_Shouldn't I try at least to be friends with David? After all it would make my work at lot easier when we get to Genesis._

_Oh, I should be thinking about work rather than this._

_But do I always have to think about work? Do I want work to be my entire life?_

_It depends; do I want David to be a part of my life?_

_Does David want to be a part of mine?_

_I thought so, his mind told me so. But does he really love me; after all he seems to like other women?_

_I thought I knew how David felt, now I'm not so sure. But how do I feel about David?_


	5. The Confrontation

_David:_

Saavik hadn't been on the bridge; in fact she apparently hadn't been anywhere outside her quarters today. So that evening I decided to confront her, and I wasn't going to leave until she'd speak with me.

I stood outside her door, feeling nervous, and feeling a fool for letting Ensign O'Hara get to me like that. I wasn't sure if I could tell Saavik how I feel. But the memory kept coming back to me, of how she looked when she saw O'Hara kissing me; so pale, with tears studded in her eyes, and I couldn't bear to see her look like that, so at least I had to tell her I never wanted to hurt her.

There was no point in just standing outside the door, looking and feeling like an idiot, so eventually I summed up the courage to let myself known over her speaker.

"Saavik, its David" I told her quietly speaking through the control panel on the wall. "May I come in please?"

There was a pause for a while, and then finally she answered. "David, this is not a very convent time. I'm very busy." She was holding her voice together with a clear and perfect tone, but underneath there was something slightly shaky.

"Hell you are, damn you. Saavik I'm not just gonna leave, I have to talk to you." I knew perfectly well she was just making excuses, and I couldn't help but think it was because I'd hurt her. So without anything else I entered promptly. Thankfully her door was now unlocked unlike the night before.

She was startled as I entered. And it struck me to see her standing in the center of the room, dressed plainly in a long robe. I wanted nothing better than to run to her because I felt so bad, but although her face was as perfectly motionless as ever there was something very sad in her eyes and the way she was looking widely at me.

I was about to make the best effort I could to show her how sorry I was but she cut in on me before I could say anything.

"David, I should apologize for my behavior last night, it was inconsiderate of me."

_Well, this is unexpected. _I thought after her sudden apology. _And I was supposed to be the one coming here to say sorry._ "It's alright." I babbled out. "It's a public place all the same."

"Never the less it was inconsiderate of me to leave so suddenly, I assessed you would most likely want privacy. I've realized perhaps I'm preventing you socially. Therefore I will not spend so much time with you in order to give you privacy."

"No, Saavik." I yelled at her. "That's not how it is. I know what it must have looked like to you but that's not how things are, please Saavik, you've gotta-"

"Doctor Marcus, it really is no business I mine what you do in your recreational time, and I have absolutely no concern over what relationships you form and whom with. My only concern is our work, and so long as you are able to complete it when we arrive at Genesis I shall be utterly content." She retaliated, showing no discomfort from my yelling right in her face. She was as emotionless as always, yet in her eyes I couldn't shake the feeling that she was sad.

I looked at her disbelievingly. "You don't mean that. I hurt you the other night, and I'm sorry.

"Your apologizes are not needed, Doctor Marcus, for if you are referring to emotional hurt, I am a Vulcan, and as a Vulcan I do not feel."

"But Saavik, you don't know, you don't know how I feel-"I tried to explain to her, not wanting to give up.

"Doctor Marcus." She cut in on me once more, this time sternly and impatiently. "What you feel means nothing to me. We are work colleagues, and nothing more." She turn away briefly looking at the pile on work on the table. "Now, if you have any consideration for me at all you will leave this moment to let me carry on with my work."

_I'd hurt her. I knew I had_. And I realized I'd hurt her to come to believe that she meant very little too me. I wanted to tell the truth then and there, but I knew she wouldn't let me. And I couldn't think what else to say.

Saavik continued staring at me, then she seemed to come to a decision, and turning from me she sat down and started working.

"Goodnight, Doctor Marcus." She said forcefully and finally to me, without looking up.

I hated myself more than any other living thing in this universe, but I had nothing else to do than to turn away and leave her.


	6. The Realization

_Saavik:_

The moment I heard the doors close as David left I dropped my work from my hands and buried my face into them.

_Why? Du nirak. Why? _David was my friend, and now I had banished even that in calling us 'work colleagues'. _Friend. _The word hurt me now, I was unsure why. But I knew through my own hurt and fiery attitude I had pushed him away.

I neatly put away all my work, knowing that it was the last thing I needed tonight. I felt myself headed for another restless night but what could I do. I needed to clear my mind of everything; however that was easier said than done.

After tiding my work away I stared around my room for a while. _Quiet, blank, empty, plain. _All these phrases came to mind. While I was usually utterly comfortable in my own quarters I now felt suddenly very small compared to the rest of the space.

Not wishing to just stay standing there and wishing to think instead I wandered into my bathroom, stripped down and turned to shower on. _I need this. _I thought as I leaned back against the cold tiles while the mid-heat water poured over my head and through my dark tangles of hair. It wasn't exactly a pleasant position, but I was comfortable, which was an absolute blessing to me at that time.

_Friend. _The word offended me in some way, even more so than work colleagues. I had been comfortable to call David my friend, but I didn't want that anymore either.

I slid slightly further down the wall and turned my face upwards against the water. _This is good. _I thought. _At least I'm thinking, and thinking clearly._

Suddenly my mind raced. _Friend. I didn't want that anymore, neither did I ever want work colleagues. Could I possibly want lovers?_ In my mind I pictured David clearly. He loved me, I knew that. _How do I feel about him?_ _I am comfortable around David more than any other person. He understands me more than anyone, and I mostly understand him, better so than any other human I've ever encountered. Humans confuse me, but David, well he's so human, and yet I trust him more so than others._

In my mind I could now picture us as lovers. _My hands in his hair, his body over mine, and I would be satisfied by our kisses, better than the first one I had given to him as he slept._

_He trusts me, and I him. He supports me, and I him. He understands me, and I him. He loves me, and…_

My legs crumpled and I slid down onto the shower floor, grasping at the wall for support, and looking down.

_…I love him._

I realized suddenly that it was true. David cared for me more than any other being in this universe, and there was no one else who would love me like he did, and I loved him too because no one would ever come close to how we connected. _I want him._

I pulled myself up hastily from the shower. _I have to tell him_. I thought, for I knew I'd turned him away, made him think he meant nothing to me, when in reality the situation was the complete opposite. _Don't let him get away. _Turning the shower off I ran out of my bathroom and pulling on a lose jumper and black leggings while hurriedly doing my best to dry my hair with a towel at the same time. _I want him, I want him._

Without even bothering to put on shoes I left for David's quarters, eager to tell him the truth.

* * *

It was when I ran into the lift that I was met with the last person I wanted to see right now. Ensign O'Hara.

She looked up coolly as the doors opened and glared at me. Then she casually moved over to the side as I entered so that she was as far away from me as possible. She continued watching me out of the corner of her eyes as I ignored her.

"I've always thought Vulcan's were known for being an unemotional race." O'Hara commented teasingly.

My head snapped towards her as she spoke and my eyes bore into her suspiciously. I assumed she was making this remark based upon seeing me cry the other day. The corners of her mouth twisted into a playful yet disgusting smile as she looked over me.

"True that is our way." I explained through gritted teeth while deliberately staring at the lift door. "However we are not unemotional, rather we just bury are emotions within ourselves and refuse to let them control us. However" I added as an afterthought in an effort to get her to shut up. "Sometimes there are situations where in the presence of a certain individual we shall produce an emotional response."

She giggled at me. I remained myself calmly that David would probably object to me hurting anyone, it was all I could do to not attempt to strangle her right then and there.

"How very poetic, for a race that you'd think wouldn't be very artistic." She laughed coldly.

"That would be wrong, Ensign." I began quickly just to insure that I didn't have to listen to her talk. "Vulcan's have a great appreciation for many forms of art." After what seemed like a lifetime the doors finally opened. "What we don't appreciate" I told her coldly as I left and stared back at her "is humor, particularly if it is talentless."

With that I turned, hearing the doors close shut behind me, and headed for David's quarters.


	7. The Truth

_David:_

I lay on my bed with head resting on my hands while a stared blackly up at the ceiling. Listening to music play quietly from the other side of my room and thinking what I was going to do now. Problem was there didn't seem to be a good answer to that question. I hated myself. I hated Ensign O'Hara. I hated the universe. I hated everything, except Saavik.

_Would she ever know how much she means to me?_

_Mostly likely the answer was 'no' now. It seems all this time I'd been thinking we were close, maybe we'd even get somewhere, but Saavik's just made it very clear that we're nothing. I should have known all along. Her work is her love, and nothing else._

Suddenly the chime at my door interrupted my thoughts. I didn't want any visitors right now, but I figured it could well be something to do with work, that was still important to me even if my heart was broken. I didn't mind whoever it was, so long as they kept it brief.

"Enter." I called out, without even bothering to move, I wasn't in the mood for politeness right now.

To my surprise Saavik rushed in. She was breathing heavily and her cheeks were flushed pink. The first thing she did was flatten herself back out against the door with her arms spread wide across it.

I was caught off guard and as I sat up slightly on the bed and watched her. The first thoughts that came to me were how flawlessly beautiful she looked. With her eyes were half-closed, her body thrust forward slightly, and her neck tilted back as she still gasped for air.

I watch her reach for the control panel beside my door and lock it. Only then did she glance across to me.

"Saavik, what's going on?" I asked her plainly, I was confused by her sudden coming, thinking she'd hated me, or at least wished to have nothing to do with me.

At my words she ran to me and sat down on my bed facing me. I'd been learning to read what she felt, given that she was always so expressionless. Yet again here did her face remain motionless, but when I looked into her eyes there was an emotion I hadn't seen before, better than the sorrow or anger I'd seen recently, this was kinder yet stronger than anything I'd seen in her before. More passionate, but I liked it.

She sighed, still somewhat breathless. I sat up fully and watched her, waiting for an explanation to her behaviour. "It is time for truths between us, David." She said to me softly, and after her cold talk to me earlier her voice was the most blessed sound in the universe.

She lifted one hand and placed it near to my face. "Please, allow me?"

"What are you doing?"

"A Vulcan mind-meld, I will share my thoughts with yours."

I glanced at her unsurely and then to her outstretched hand. But I knew I could trust her, I trusted her beyond any other. And so I looked into her eyes and nodded.

* * *

_Saavik:_

I let him see everything. Right from the moment when it first started when I made the mind-meld as David slept and the small kiss I gave him, until my realization that I loved him. I showed him my feelings, my confusion, my uncertainty, my hurt, and finally my passion, my passion that would not satisfy until I had him.

When I pulled back, I watched him closely, unsure of how he would react. I find humans so confusing and then was no exception. David stared blankly at me, I suppose it was disbelief, but I couldn't be sure.

"You kissed me?"

"Yes." I replied, though I didn't want to talk on this, it was a difficult subject for me.

"Why?" He asked.

"I was…curious." I explained.

A smile twitched across his face. "That so like you; always wants to learn."

I glared at him, although in truth I didn't mind. I loved to see him smile at me. I crept over to him, taking his face in my hands. "True. In fact I wish to learn from you right now."

That was all he needed. The next thing I knew his lips where on mine and the air was knocked out of my as he shoved me hard down onto his bed.


	8. The Commitment

**Warning: This is the part of the story were it gets M rated. If you've been following the story so far but are uncomfortable with reading any sexual content, then please don't read this chapter. Thanks.**

* * *

_David:_

"What took you so long?" I asked, stopping our kiss and gasping for air. It was everything I'd been longing for since the moment I met her. To have her like this, too see her looking at me the same way I've been watching her.

Saavik looked up at me, watching and thinking. "I was confused…about how you felt, and how I felt for that matter. I'm sorry."

"You know I love you" I told her.

She kissed me, pushing her hands into my hair and forcing me up a little. "Yes" she breathed "…and I love you."

I laughed at her when she broke the kiss. "I'd have thought this would be too illogical for you."

"You're wrong. It's proving to be the most logical choice I've made." She explained while staring at me with some sort of adoring pleasure in her eyes as she stroked me gently. "It's hurt me everyday being so unsure of everything." She kissed me again, deep and strong this time. "But I'll be alright now."

"What happens now?" I asked curiously, watching her all the while. I wanted to let her take control. Everyone knew her as an ice queen, as nearly all Vulcans are, but I knew she could be feisty, and tonight I wanted that from her.

Her eyes glinted as she rolled me off her and forced me down onto the other side of the bed. She ripped her jumper of over her head and threw it to the ground, leaving her topless. She snapped down on me and started undoing my paints. I copied her, fumbling at the skin-hugging leggings she wore, but I wasn't really looking, I was staring at her body despite her being bent low over me.

As we pulled the last of our clothes of each other I pushed her back up slightly, wanting to see her. She looked puzzled at first but then seemed to understand and sat up proud and strong beside me, her eyes blazing with delight as she watched me all the while.

Saavik was then and there the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I knew ever would see. Herself purely as she is lived up to and even exceeded my dreams about her, and that's saying something seeing as I'd been having pretty extreme thoughts about her.

I crept over to her, touching her ever so lightly but getting stronger. Moving my hands everywhere that I could, and I felt as if I didn't have enough time to touch her because I wanted to touch all of her yet I could never keep my hands away from the part of her I was on at that time. She arched her neck and moan that turn into a gasp I preceded to stroke her even faster, brushing my hands softly yet firmly over her body.

She lay down and stopped me suddenly, raising her hand once again. "Everything you feel I feel, and everything I feel you feel, our minds, our pleasures, everything together as one." She explained.

I leaned down over here. "You know, for a race famed for being emotionless, you do have some pretty illogical traits."

Her face remained as perfectly motionless as always, yet I knew inside that she was smiling at what I'd just said. With that she put her hand to my face, I heard her whisper, and her pleasures flood through me.

As she broke the mind meld she sat up quite suddenly, grabbing me against her. It knocked the air out of her and she gave a small gasp, as gasp that increased as I slid inside her. I forcefully pushed against her and her gasp increased to a high moan, but I enjoyed it, feeling ripples of warmth circle through my body and hers. She was griping her hands into my hair and around my neck, clutching to me and moaning softly in my ear as I rocked against her, and she pushed down on me in perfect motion.

I could feel her. It wasn't like Human sex because everything was connected. I felt every pleasure she got from everything I did to her, our pleasures doubled, and we understood. All our feelings connected into one mind.

I wanted to carry on making love to her all night, but eventually I had to climax. I thrust up against her, more forcefully than I had done yet. She gave one piercing scream that ripped the thick air around us and I was thankful that the walls were sound-proof. But I enjoyed it, and she enjoyed it, and she was beautiful, with her neck arched and body slightly bent away from mine in the cry.

As we finished I lay her down, with my body over hers. In her eyes there was a passionate flame as she looked up at me and as she breathed heavily she said nothing too me, yet I knew that both she and I were satisfied. As we lay there I had to untangle myself from her. I peeled my sweaty and sticky body from hers and lay next to her, watching her, her body, as she breathed in and out deeply to control herself, the sweat glistening off her bare skin, and the tumbled mess of her hair, spread out around her on the bed.

Suddenly, but softly I felt a touch at my wrist. I glanced down to see her hand on mine, stroking me gently as she kept her eyes fixed on mine. I focused on her face again. Neither of us spoke, neither of us needed to speak. I simply watched her quietly and listened to the soft music coming from the other side of my room. And when I looked into her eyes I knew that she was saying to me. _Thank you._ And. _I love you._


	9. The Revolution

_Saavik:_

I stirred quietly in the night and realized I'd gained back all the much needed sleep I'd lost over the past nights. I felt unusually comfortable and satisfied, but I wouldn't complain. For a while, I couldn't be sure how long, I lay in David's bed. I could feel him behind me, his arms resting over me and his breath warm on the back of neck as he slept.

Now fully awake and restless, I carefully unraveled myself away from him and stood up, turning to watch him as I leaned on the wall. David looked as peaceful as that night I first entered his thoughts. _So many things have changed between us. _I thought. Then I realized I was grateful for the way I'd violated his mind, because if I hadn't I wouldn't be where I was.

Standing up straight I quietly crept into his bathroom and washed my face. My mind a great deal was clearer than it had been these past days. I could think fully, and was thankful for my confused thoughts had been hell in mind recently. _Despite how illogical love is, it can have its logical traits._

As I walked back into the bedroom I debated whether or not I should back to me quarters to fetch some things of my own. I wasn't sure if we were going to keep this relationship secretive, I loved him, but I didn't want to have to walk out in the morning with the watchful and questioning eyes of the crew on me. With that thought I dressed quickly and left him, returning ten minutes later with my uniform and work, deciding that I'd stay here until early morning and until he woke, then I'd ask him what we were going to do and report to the bridge as normal. I didn't feel like I'd need food this morning, I was completely satisfied in every way of life.

I walked around the room and curiously and quietly studied the place. _He's so human. _But I didn't find that a problem anymore, maybe I never had, I just hadn't realized it. His quarters were plain, understandable as mine were too on such a short voyage. It came to my attention that he had little to distract himself from work, strange for a human. I put this down to the fact that he'd been living at Regular One most of his life, as he'd once told me. He'd said he had a house with his mother back on earth, but he hadn't been there for a long time. Having lived in his workplace for so long I understood that it must be hard to get away from work. He'd become lonely I was sure, but I understood that, I'd been lonely too. Just one of the many reasons why we understood and needed each other.

The main thing that really brought about David's personality was his music. I studied the tapes in a corner of the room. All artists from late 20th century earth, the likes of The Pet shop boys and Belinda Carlisle, artists I hadn't heard of and I wondered curiously if she'd been something of a crush to him, but I dismissed this thought almost as soon as it crossed my mind, it did not matter for I'd seen his thoughts and I knew how he felt about me. _Jealously was utterly illogical and unneeded now._

Because I'd enjoyed the music last night I decided to put on a mix tape and I climbed back into bed with him. Listening to the soft tunes and working back the recent restless and struggling nights.

The hours past and I'd made good progress when David finally woke up in the early hours.

He stirred slightly and looked up at me sitting in the bed and working. I'd undressed again and my hair was unusually lose around my shoulders, but being so human I doubt very much that he minded. "Gees, do Vulcans ever sleep?" He asked, a smile spreading across his face.

I set down my work but continued my emotionless attitude as always. "Of course, but for many years we've needed less sleep than humans. We have evolved to be able to learn for all situations." I replied softly while brushing my fingers through his hair as he rested against me.

"Minds made for knowledge, I guess." He smiled and sat up close to me.

"Indeed." I whispered to him before giving him a kiss, starting off light then deepening as pulled me down and underneath him on the bed.

"David?" I asked quietly, staring up at him.

"What?"

"How…how is this going to work? It will work between us, but are we going to let people know?"

He sighed and rolled off me, coming to rest beside me and kissing my forehead lightly. "I don't know." He started as I watched him intently. "Work is always first priority, we can't just screw all that off, and I don't want to anyway. So I'd prefer this not to get out, a least not for a while, until we've arrived at Genesis, that's still important to me."

He looked down at me and I nodded. I understood his hesitance, for we still had our work to consider and although I knew I'd made the right decision I wasn't comfortable with people coming to the conclusion that we'd rushed in.

"And one more thing" He explained. "If my parents are gonna here about this, I'd rather it's from me."

That made me laugh inside, it was such a human thing, but I loved him for it. Unusually for me I couldn't find words to tell him how I was feeling, so I simply leaned over him and said. "Very well, we'll keep quiet about it." Before I kissed him again and told him I loved him. That at least that was the truth and I hoped I wouldn't have to lie to anyone about us.

* * *

From then on everything changed, but only to David and I. To the crew we appeared as we always had, we'd been close, and so to them nothing changed in the slightest.

To them everyday we'd meet each other on the bridge and work at our stations. When actually we'd never left each other. I ignored the glares of Ensign O'Hara, maybe she suspected something, but she'd already got enough of the male crew members casing after her to satisfy her taste. Most of the other girls still flirted with David, I think he minded it, but I couldn't have cared less, and when we'd leave we'd have about five seconds to kiss each other passionately in the lift, and he'd say how he's sorry, but I didn't mind. We'd have dinner together and then work together, and the crew assumed that one of us leaves the other as they'd seen us do frequently, but they didn't know how we dance together, and sleep together, and spend every moment we can with each other in secret. And waking up with him beside me each morning was the most pleasurable, if not slightly illogical, experience in the universe.

Best of all my work had improved, not just making up for my distractions over days past, but overall I could accomplish more and of better standard and in better time than I'd rarely been able to do before. I'd never realized it, but my life had been missing relaxation or something to take my mind of work at night. I found those things and many more in David.


	10. The Last Night

**Another M rated bit coming up, if you're too young or comfortable with reading it then please skip to the end seeing as this is the last chapter!**

* * *

_Saavik:_

I sat perched high up on the table clad in a long red gown with my hair comfortably half up-half down and a glass of cherry champagne in my hand. It was our last night of the voyage, and tomorrow we were due to arrive at Genesis.

Most of the crew was down in the mess hall celebrating, but I'd never been one for social events unless required, and anyhow I could have my own celebration here.

Taking a sip from my glass and putting it down and turned where I sat and reached out for my lute. I rarely played, and when I did it wasn't with particular skill that would be regarded by my race, it had been a gift long ago, and although I didn't play with skill I found it easy enough to distinguish the change of notes in songs and transfer them into my own playing.

David stood up from where he'd sat on the bed in the far corner of the room, taking another drink as he did so and came round to close where I sat, leaning against the wall and watching me intently. He'd been dressed most the evening in only his boxers, but I secretly preferred him that way.

I tried out a few notes and then began to play fully. It was one of his earth songs that he liked to play, and I'd been listening to it as we danced or lay together quietly at night. I'd picked up the notes and could play well enough. When I'd song listened the song seemed to say a lot about us. I knew that I loved him, even if I could rarely say it, and I hoped we would last forever because I was complete with him beside me.

_"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling_

_Do you feel my heart beating_

_Do you understand _

_Do you feel the same_

_Am I only dreaming_

_Is this burning an eternal flame_

_I believe it's meant to be, darling_

_I watch you when you are sleeping_

_You belong with me_

_Do you feel the same_

_Am I only dreaming_

_Or is this burning an eternal flame."_

When I'd finished and looked back up at him he was watching me with the corners of his mouth twitched up softly into a smile and gazing at me as if in some new light. He didn't speak, he didn't even move, he just simply stared at me for a long while as I stared back at him. Usually I feel uncomfortable with any persons gaze upon me, feeling pressure to maintain all that I have to be, but David is different and I feel nothing but comfort in his presence.

Finally he moved towards me, wordlessly and almost emotionlessly he took me in his arms, holding his head close to me and whispering a single word. "Yes."

I made a promise to myself then and there that I'd never have any other except him, for I knew no one could love me and give me what I needed that way David did, and I could never love another like I love him.

And to tell him I wrapped my arms around him, I felt him on me as I kissed and caressed him. He got the message, he hardly needed me to do anything to prompt him for he always understood me, and we understood each other better than any other two ever would. As I was pulled off the place where I sat on the table by him I grabbed at my dress and let it fall to the floor. He picked me up as I wrapped myself around him tightly so he could hold me, and I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the back of my head as we staggered back into the wall, but the pain barely registered and I didn't care, and David barely stopped as he quickly pulled me back up to him again and we collapsed onto the bed with his weight over me. I gave a small gasp and then a laugh as he untangled himself from me on the bed and straightened up.

I fixed a glare upon him as he sat up away from me. _How difficult was it to get a human to have sex with you?_

"I thought Vulcans were supposed to professional in every way of life, I'm sure this sort of behavior would be regarded as highly illogical." He teased me.

I would not let him do that, so I sat up myself straight backed and as professional as he could ever wish for and continued to glare at him. "I'm only half-Vulcan, there is Romulan blood in me too, and the Romulans do not deal lightly with those who mock them."

"Very well" He agreed, finally coaxing over to sit beside me, he leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "Do not deal lightly with me."

I saw this as my turn to mock him; I tossed him from me and pushing him down on the other side of the bed lay over him. "Now that would be entirely unprofessional as you rightly pointed out, Doctor Marcus."

His eyes glinted as he gazed up and his shifted his fingers over me. "Given that you're technically my commanding officer I shall comply to your orders, Lieutenant. I would have you deal with me anyway you wish, however if you don't deem that professional enough for you might I appeal to you in another way; after all you are an explorer, might I request that you go into that profession right now?" He pulled himself up towards me and after kissing my neck he whispered. "In other words, we're both far too professional for games. So shut up and fuck me."

Finally I perched myself over him and wrapping myself around him I hissed. "All requests granted, despite all the unprofessional matters." With that I kissed him, one of the best yet as I deepened my mouth into his and felt him over me, until I was pushed down underneath him once again and was forced to break our kiss.

"I'll make you a more professional request then, Lieutenant." He breathed slowly over me and kissed me once before asking. "Do you want to fuck Doctor Marcus?"

"A most illogical request but granted." I told him, I myself tired of this idle talk, my desires began to overpower me as I started to take the last of our clothes off with speed.

"There's no way to appeal to you." He said, bent over me.

I looked up at him, stopping briefly and tilting my head to the side slightly, an odd habit I had when expressing something I found curiously disapproving. "You appeal to me." I told him honestly. "Now ask me again."

He bent over me again, kissing my body and fleetingly took his lips from my skin to ask me. "Do you want to fuck Doctor Marcus?"

"Yes." I hushed in reply and then I rolled him off me and pushed him down onto the bed, straddling him quickly before he had time to do anything else.

That night was the best I ever had. It was illogical, but had a certain beauty to it. With David crying out underneath me as I took control. I could barely take notice of his cries and moans; even though I wanted to listen I had other matters myself to deal with; my own pleasures were hard for me to keep in control with the thick heat of the room, the ripples of enjoyment emitting through my body and our sounds and feelings as I rode on top of him long through that night.

At one point I was aware that I was screeching out his name, over and over again breathlessly, as if begging, I'd never needed to beg before, but I would willingly do it again for him many times. Another time we were moving so forcefully and he was so deep inside me I felt certain I could pass out just from the sheer extremity of it all, yet I did not stop and at some points I felt I never wanted to. But apart from those moments I barely remembered the rest of the night; it was all mixed up into one giant ball of confusing pleasure.

Needless to say I let him do what he pleased on me that night, and I could not complain at anything he did for each time it opened up so other newfound pleasure. It was only afterwards, when he'd had his head in between my legs for some time and my fingers were in his hair forcefully, trying to control my body, he finished and crept forward to lay beside me, and only then could I breathe deeply and be in my own control once again.

"What's going to happen to Genesis?" I asked him after a long while.

He turned, shifting his body on the bed so that he was on his side and looking at me. "Well" he began slowly "if everything checks out right on the planet then all the plans and documents we have left will be given over to the Federation for their use. They're not sure if they're actually going to use the Genesis device or not but Genesis was designed to be used by the Federation, so we can't really keep it from them if it works. I guess I'll just have to hope for the best now."

"And the planet?" I asked curiously. "Will that go to the Federation as well?"

He sighed, looking at me. "Technically I guess it belongs to the Federation but I'd like to keep it, I want it to go to the Regular One scientists. I mean that's my whole life work and I want to see the job finished properly, not that I don't trust the Federation, it's that Genesis is my planet, it's like she's a part of me, and I want to see her happy in a way, see the right people living on her and colonizing her. Is any of this making sense?"

He glanced over at me and I shook my head. "A little of it does, but I think the rest is all too Human for my understanding."

He laughed at me, I hated it when Humans laugh at me because it makes me confused and tense, but the sound of David's laughter was something different, having the complete opposite effect that laughter usually does in my case.

"I'd never have thought I'd end up like this." He smiled. "I used to hate Starfleet, well hates strong but I certainly never wanted anything to do with them, and here I am; on a mission with Starfleet and in love and in bed with a Starfleet officer, and a Vulcan one at that."

"Life is full of surprises." Was all I could think to answer, and then I sat up slightly and moved closer over to him. "But when this missions over, I'll be carrying on with my work in Starfleet, and you'll begin work on colonizing Genesis, David I love you, logical or not, and I don't want to lose you."

"Hey you're not gonna lose me." He said suddenly. "Saavik I love you, almost as soon as I knew you I felt there was something more, and this voyage has proved that to be true, you're unlike any other woman I've ever known, and I'm not going to lose you that easily." He moved over to me, taking my body in his arms and caressing me slowly. "Besides this mission is only just beginning, and I doubt Starfleet will be done with their work at Genesis just yet, so every time there's a mission to the planet you just volunteer straight up, and we'll just have to make the rest of it up between our shore leaves. But I promise you I'm yours and I'll always be waiting for you."

Sitting up I kissed him quickly, and I truly did believe what he'd said would be true. I grasped for our two glasses and poured a drink each for us. Handing one to him as I sat there on the bed, resting against his body gently, I raised my glass and spoke clearly. "To Genesis and to our love."

He smiled; that small very human smile that always touched my heart. "To our extremely illogical love."

* * *

_David:_

The next morning we arrived at Genesis.

"This is where the fun begins, Saavik." I told her as we scanned the planet.

"Aren't we having fun already?" She whispered under her breath so that I only I would hear, before covering it up with speaking out loud. "Just like your father…so human."

A hint of a smile flickered across my face before a moved to study the monitor.

The End

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**Lyrics taken form song 'Eternal Flame' by The Bangles. **

**Thank you to all who have supported and read this fanfic, I wrote it primarily for my own enjoyment but I'm always thrilled to know there are other people out there who support this much rejected and unnoticed pairing. Especially thanks to Kate for all her reviews, they've been a great support to me while writing this!  
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**Well, I hope you've enjoyed the story, keep a look out for more like this as I'm a huge fan of this paring and please review. Thanks once again and all the best. Miarka xx**


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